Per View From My Seats:
10. The guy that just bought the jersey before the game and the jersey still has the tag on it. Everyone has to start somewhere—but please take the tag off the jersey. It’s kind of like the guy that buys the t-shirt at a concert and wears it to the same concert. It’s just wrong.
9. The girl that talks about how hot every player is. I could be in the minority, but I’m not a huge fan of puck bunnies period. But the girls that are aspiring puck bunnies are even worse. Trust me, just because you’re wearing a pair of Uggs doesn’t make him want to fuck you.
8. The guy that plays hockey in a beer league—therefore knows everything there is to know about hockey EVER. You can usually tell this guy from comments like:
– “When I do that…”
– “A guy on my team…”
– “A guy did that to me last week in our game.”
There is a reason that beer leaguers are not NHLers. Unfortunately, everyone seems to know it except for “that guy.”
7. The guy that has had too much to drink, then starts hitting on the girl near him that’s way out of his league. Don’t get me wrong—best of luck to the guy… I just don’t want him spinning his best game while everyone else is trying to watch the game. The guy doesn’t know it, but it’s just painful for the woman. And for me too. Seriously, when you look at the two of them—you know that it’s not going to end with her inviting him home for a nightcap.
6. The guy that shows up wearing a jersey of a team that isn’t even playing. Perfect example, you’re at a Kings vs. Canucks game having a great time at the good ole hockey game. Then, this guy shows up and won’t shut up how the Red Wings would kick BOTH of these teams’ asses. It’s annoying and serves absolutely no purpose. I get it, you’re from Detroit and you love your team. You can go back now.
5. The season ticket holder that thinks that you are invading their territory when you show up for a game. This happens a lot more when you buy tickets down low—it’s like you’re infringing on their game. I’ve been on both sides of this—and I hated the season ticket holders around me that didn’t like the newcomers. Because, as everyone knows—if you don’t have season tickets, you aren’t as big of a fan.
4. The guy that’s the expert and thinks he knows everything about the game—yet knows very little. The only problem is that he knows more than his friends, which only encourages this type of behavior. The worst part is that you hear the guy talking LOUDLY about what’s going on, only he is telling his friends the WRONG shit. There really should be a polite way for everyone in the section to straighten him out. Can we please agree on proper protocol to shut this guy up and stop spreading ignorance?
3. The guy that went to the game by himself and feels compelled to make a comment about EVERY single play made by EVERY SINGLE player. Worse yet, he makes comments about EVERY single thing other fans say. This might not sound like a horrible situation, until you’re at a game and this guy is sitting right behind you. Yes, that was a good play Brownie. “Yeah, good idea guy… have Ratis hit him so we have to kill another penalty.” Trust me, after 2 and a half hours, it REALLY wears on your patience.
2. The guy that is rooting for the other team, but doesn’t understand that he’s in someone else’s home. You know when you go into someone else’s barn; there are two ways you can do it. You can be the polite guy that loves hockey and talks with fans of the other team. Or you can be the loud, abrasive guy that is obnoxious from the opening faceoff until the final horn. Usually his courage is a direct function of the number of Coors Lights he’s had during the game (and whether his team is winning). I’m not a violent man—but when that guy catches a right cross to the ear, I’m not about to tell the usher who did it.
1. The hockey blogger who got his tickets for free that is noticing all of this. That guy is a dick.
I loved these and basically all of them are spot on. I just want to throw in one guy who sticks out in my mind.
I was at the Sabres-Rangers 2007 series and there was a drunk moron in the very last seat of the nose bleeds who every ten seconds would scream out “LETS GO BOYS” during the game. It was beyond obnoxious and I actually contemplating scalping my tickets and paying more for others to move to a new section just because of this guy.
To make matters worse, he was wearing the same fake Buffalo Sabres jersey to every game. It was one of those jerseys that is such a bad fake, it was falling apart and looked like everything was just ironed on before the game.
Couldn’t stand that guy.